For 25 years, Bay Area native Maurice Benard has been one of the biggest stars in daytime television — winning Emmys and thrilling fans as underworld heartthrob Michael “Sonny” Corinthos Jr. on “General Hospital.”
But the path to stardom was hardly a smooth one. In his new memoir, “Nothing General About It: How Love (and Lithium) Saved Me On and Off ‘General Hospital'” (248 pages; William Morrow) he looks back on his turbulent youthful years in Martinez, writing of a shaky relationship with his father and recalling how his bipolar disorder began to surface in childhood as he suffered through panic attacks and hallucinations.
As a young adult, Benard often was “a ticking time bomb ready to go off at any second.” Constantly getting into trouble, he drank and partied, got into fights and “slept with so many women I couldn’t keep track.” He spent his 22nd birthday in a Bay Area mental institution.
Even after Benard found success on soaps, he still grappled with terrifying breakdowns and setbacks, all while desperately trying to maintain his relationship with his wife, Laura, who valiantly endured his violent, volatile episodes.
In “Nothing General About It,” Benard doesn’t hold back in recounting his rocky journey, while also offering insights and advice to those trying to cope with mental illness.
He recently took some time to field some questions:
Q: Why did you feel this was the right time to put our a memoir?
A: When I did “Oprah” (to open up about his bipolar disorder in 2004), she said I should write a book, but I didn’t give it much thought. Then, over the years, other people have suggested I do one. I finally got around to it. So here we are. … And the book is so much bigger than me and my life as an actor. It’s about overcoming mental health problems when you think you can’t.
Q: Was the process more difficult than you expected?
A: It was a little more tedious than I thought it would be — especially the audio book. I had to talk and talk and talk (laughing). By the end of it, I was crying like a baby.
Q: The book is often quite raw. Did you have difficulty revealing certain things?
A: In all honesty, not really. I’m an open book anyway. In doing the audio book, however, there were certain chapters that got to me. I couldn’t speak. I had to stop and regroup — especially during the chapter “Tears in Heaven,” where I discuss everyone I’ve loved and lost over the years and didn’t get to say good-bye. That floored me, man.
Q: People who read this will surely think Paula is a saint — how she stuck with you through some very dark times.
A: Paula moved from Texas to Concord at the age of 16 and I met her one day at the Sunvalley Mall. I guess God just put an angel there and, if I’m lucky, she’ll take me through the rest of my life.
Q: Why do you think your relationship has lasted? What’s the secret?
A: With us, it’s always been about communication and a deeply rooted love. If you have those two things, you’re on your way. She has always been there for me. She keeps me going. And I always have her back.
Q: When you reflect on life in Martinez, do you do so with a fondness. Or is there a feeling that, “God, I was glad to get out of there.”?
A: It’s a two-fold kind of thing. I do look back fondly on the fun stuff — my family and friends. Hanging with my buddies, going to parties, cruising Main Street in Walnut Creek in my low-rider. … But there’s obviously some negativity, too. The time I spent in the mental institution and my other ordeals. … And I also felt that many people I knew in those days didn’t support me when I began to show an interest in modeling and acting.
Q: Back then, could you even imagine achieving the kind of success you have?
A: Oh, man, when I was in high school I pretty much thought I was going nowhere. …
Q: In terms of mental health, how concerned are you about the impact the coronavirus pandemic will have on Americans?
A: Four-hundred fifty million people all over the world suffer from mental illness, and during a crisis like this one, it just heightens. I think even people who have never felt anxiety might start to — and that’s scary. … You can’t watch the frenzy (TV news) all the time. … Keep busy and love each other.
Q: You, like a lot of people during this crisis, are out of work (“General Hospital” suspended production in Mid-March). How are you handling it?
A: I won’t lie. In the beginning, a rush of fear hit me. There were two or three days when I experienced some anxiety, but it passed. … I go in my garage and I punch the bag and lift weights.
Q: In addition to this book, you have a website called stateofmind.com. Tell us about your “Sunday Sessions” videos, in which you casually share your thoughts with visitors.
A: About a year ago, I woke up feeling anxious and I had this feeling that I wanted to document it. I thought this was one way to do something good through social media. … Every Sunday morning, I get in my car, play some music and just talk to people. The response has been mind-boggling. … The only problem is that the car is old, so I have to buy CDs (laughing).
Q: Inquiring minds want to know. What kind of car is it?
A: A Cadillac. But it’s old, man!
Q: What would be your suggestion to people experiencing anxiety or depression during these stressful times?
A: With all the stuff going on, you’ve got to try hard to keep yourself in first gear. I used to live in third gear. Then, if something bad happens, you go to four or five and you’re screwed. But I’ve been in first gear for over a year. So if something goes wrong, you just go to two, instead of four or five.
As far as depression is concerned, you’ve just gotta try your best to keep doing what you’re doing no matter how tough it is. If you stay in bed, that’s quicksand.
Q: Break down your “gear” analogy — and what it feels like.
A: When you’re in third gear, you might wake up in a rage and things can get out of control fast. In first, it’s like you can take a pause and say, “All right. I’m cool.”
Q: Back in 2008, we did an on-set interview with you. At the time, you said working on a soap can be a grind — that you might give it “another couple of years.” Twelve years later, you’re still playing Sonny!
A: (Laughing) For me, there have been ups and downs. It just depends on how I feel at the time. It’s a family at “General Hospital” and that’s nice to have. In recent years, I’ve done other things and I can honestly say that the grass is not greener.
Q: So are you saying it hasn’t been a grind lately?
A: Honestly, in the last few months, I’ve done some of the best work of my life. I can’t talk about where the storylines go, but it’s been very spiritual, man. It has just felt really, really good.
Q: What about life after “General Hospital”? Can you see yourself becoming a motivational speaker — or something along those lines?
A: You’re right on it, man. That’s exactly what I plan to do — go across the country doing some kind of show. That’s the next step. Someone asked recently if I might consider a television show. That would be even better. I wouldn’t have to fly. (In the book, Benard talks of how flying stresses him out).
Q: Finally, we learned from the book that you grew up a big 49ers and Giants fan. Did you watch the Super Bowl?
A: Yeah, I did and that was so frustrating! I can’t believe they lost. They had it in the bag! … When are they going to have a chance like that again? I don’t get it!